Taco Tuesday

Yep it is Taco ………shit it is Wednesday. I missed Tuesday altogether. Felt like crap yesterday, coughing and spitting up, uh never mind, I just slept the day away. Going to Ironwood with Mom today, eye doctor, dentist and shopping I suppose.

Da Bears
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears.  The only thing missing was a good quarterback.  He scouted and scouted but couldn’t find a quarterback who could give the Bears a shot at a Super Bowl win.  Then one night while watching the news he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank  In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm.  He threw a hand grenade straight into a 10th story window 50 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand grenade 75 yards, right into a chimney.   KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car.    BULLS-EYE!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” the coach said to himself.  “He has the perfect arm!”

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football.  And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl. The young man is hailed as a great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you”, the old woman says.  “You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mom,” the young man pleads.  “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world.  I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No, let me tell you!” his mother retorts.  “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us.  The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!”  The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says……..”I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”

Monday morning excuses.

I love looking at Face Book and seeing all the excuses why the Packers didn’t win. They didn’t play well, that is why they did not win.

Gogebic Lodge was fairly busy, had a fun night with a lot of nice people. Just looked at my schedule and I don’t work until next Sunday at the Lodge. Nice having a little time off. I am headed to Sully’s to work on the building.

  UNDENIABLE FACTS
1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy
is grown up when he starts removing it.
2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize
that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but
having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks – PRICELESS.
4. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend
of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.
5. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson,
Heineken, Coors & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will
grab whatever is available.
I haven’t verified this on Snopes, but it sounds about right

 

Sunday Funday

Working the Gogebic Lodge today, noon till closing time.  Last night was slow at Dutches, even the Lodge was closed when I went by at 11:45 last night. What the hell everyone go on the wagon or what? Julie came down last night and brought that Dave guy to heckle me. It is always a pleasure to see Julie, even if that Dave guys has to tag along.

Beautiful weather in the UP again today, but it looks like we are down in the 60’s for Highs starting tomorrow. That’s OK by me though bring on Fall because we all know what comes next Braaaaaaaaaapppp.

A man comes home after a terrible day of golf, his worst round ever.

He plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”

The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.”

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer. It’s going to start any minute.”

The wife is furious. She yells at him “You’ve been out golfing all day! Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore . . .”

The man sighs and says, “It’s started… ”

Old Dutches Bar

I work tonight in Marenisco, 4 till close. And then agin tomorrow at the Lodge Noon till close. Damn 2 days in a row, I’m gonna need a vacation afterwards. I had a quiet night with the grandkid last night.

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘Oi almost had an affair with anudder woman.’*
*The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’ The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed an’ rubbed togedder, but den Oi stopped.’
The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’*
The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed da $50 on da box, an accordin’ to you, dat’s da same as puttin’ it in!’

A night with Da Fish

I spent the night with Da Fish last night (aka Dave Fisher). Every time I run into him at a bar I feel Like shit the next day. He somehow keeps filling up the one bear I have and I never see him do it. So beware of Da Fish, he is very sneaky.

It was a beautiful day yesterday and it looks like we are in for another one today. I’m going down to Gogebic Lodge  to do some work on their internet, Becker is down there cleaning.

AFTER  BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL  LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE  DAY  AND SAID, “Darling, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP  CAR,  SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK  AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT  TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD  GIRL.  NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I’M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.  IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU’RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.”

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.  SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE  TV.

Back to work.

Thursday is Lodge Day for me this week. Noon till close. Come see me, I’ll be the big hairy one knocking shit over behind the bar.
A joke for today:
An avid golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
“I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”
“Oh God no!” cries the man. “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”
“The good news is…      I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm and so I’ll need your permission before I can go ahead with the transplant.”
“Go for it doc,” says the man, “as long as I can play golf again.”
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
“Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.
“Just great,” says the golfer. “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch, and my putting has really improved.”
“That’s wonderful,” said the surgeon.
“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors.”
“That’s unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a success. Are you having any side effects?”
“Well, just two”, said the golfer, “I have trouble parallel parking, and every time I get an erection I get a headache.”

What happened to us?

9/11 did not even dawn on me yesterday morning as I hurried to write something before starting my day. I did not forget, just didn’t realize the significance of the date. When I did realize it was 9/11, I remembered the sinking feeling in my stomach as I watched live video at work on my computer with coworkers behind my desk.  The way America came together after that tragedy was overwhelming. What a great Country we once had. What the hell has happened to us?
The people in Washington are not going to wake up and work together to better our country, only we as voters can change what is going on. We need to quit with this left and right bullshit and do what is best for our country. We did not hear about Democrats and Republicans in the aftermath. All we hear about was the heroism  of people helping people. We did do what was right after 9/11, why can’t we do it now?
I had a joke for today but when I proof read my post I did not fell in a joking mood.

A walk down memory lane with Bill P.

Bill sent me the email below, I talked to another person that said he is getting a “server unavailable” message sometimes. If you see this when trying to access tomstrailreport.com please send an email to tomstrailreport@gmail.com to let me know please. The rest of Bill’s email was a nice walk down memory lane, Thanks Bill.

 

“Hi Tom.  I religiously look at your TomsTrailReport website daily.  Usually I look early in the morning and I have no trouble accessing the website.

However If I try to open your website in the afternoon and evening hours I can not access it.  On MSN I get a message the website can not be opened.  On Mozilla the message says server is unavailable and on Chrome it also say the server is unavailable.

I enjoy looking at your website and look forward to enjoying my 40th year of snowmobiling this season.   Many moons ago, circa 1981, 4 of us rode from Hazelhurst, WI to Copper Harbor and back.  We parked at Rydans residential property who at the time owned the Cat Dealer in Hazelhurst.  The sleds were a Cat Tiger 6000, my 440 Deere Trailfire, a Deere 440 Sportfire, and an older Cat 440 Panther.  Rough ride and 100 miles per day was an accomplishment, particularly when there were no trail markers in Michigan.  All of the sleds were premix sleds and it seemed like we towed the Tiger more than it ran because it had a small fuel tank and a big appetite. However the Tiger would show 106 mph on the speedometer on the lake vs. the Trailfire’s 85.

Our first planned stop was in Bergland at the Lake Gogebic Motel but the older lady running the place had rented our room.  It was 10 at nite on Saturday.  We were able to find a room at the old hotel at the end of town – I believe you own the building now.  At that time the lower level was a rompin’, stompin’ bar with a band that ran till 3 AM.  Upstairs it was a spooky stay.  Romex wire was strung down the inside of hall and the rooms had the old steel headboard frames and pitchers and bowls for wash up- just like in the old days.  I think the only bathroom was downstairs in the bar.  I slept on top of the bed in my clothes, but was glad to have a warm place to sleep after driving all night the night before, 12 hours of hard drinking, rough ride on 4″ suspension travel sleds and lost most of the time.

Next day we only made it to Mass and partied with Art in the local bar.  Art was a local character that had an airplane and played the guitar and liked to drink.  On the third day we made it to Copper Harbor via Gay and stayed at the King Copper Motel.  the snow was so deep that it completely covered the patio doors.  You just opened the door and stuck your bottle in the snow bank to keep it cold. Ate at a little German restaurant that had it’s own trail down from Brockway mountain.

Ahh, such were the days of early snowmobiling.  Everyone had one or more flasks of spirits (mixed 50-50 with vodka to prevent freezing) or we had Mad Dog 20 20 which was 20% alcohol and wouldn’t freeze.  Also youth was on our side!

Thanks again for the Trail Reports and the memories.  Bill P.”

 

Da Bears

Packer Fans are happy today, Bears fans not so much. It wasn’t so much of a Packer win, more of a Bears loss. They could have put the game away a few times. I had to work last night, so I broke my football boycott I guess.

Beautiful weather in the UP, even though temps are in the 70’s or more during the day there is no humidity. Fall in the UP, you just can’t beat it.

 A True Hounds Golfer…
Saul Wallerstein was at the country club for his
weekly round of golf. He began his round with
an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.
On the third hole he had just scored his first ever
hole-in-one when his cell phone rang… It
was a doctor notifying him that his wife had
just been in a accident and was in critical
condition and in ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was
and that he’d be there as soon as possible. As he hung up
he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his
best ever round of golf.

He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading
to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing
his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club
record by five strokes and beating his previous best
game by more than 10. He was jubilant….

Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to
the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked
about his wife’s condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, “You went ahead
and finished your round of golf didn’t you! I hope you’re
proud of yourself!”
“While you were out for the past four hours enjoying
yourself at the country club your wife has been
languishing in the ICU! It’s just as well you went ahead
and finished that round because it will be more than likely
your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the
clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV’s;
you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours;
she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don’t forget
the hygiene care.”

The man broke down and sobbed.
The doctor chuckled and said,
“I’m just fucking with you.
She’s dead.
What’d you shoot?”

Temps going down.

Leaves are starting to change as temps begin to drop in the UP. If it wasn’t for snowmobiling Fall would be my favorite time of year. No bugs, no sweating and beautiful colors all around.  If you have never seen the fall colors in the UP you are missing out. Click here for more info.

At the Doctors office getting my Physical I asked the Doctor,
“Do you think I’ll live a long and healthy life?
He replied, “I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now.”
I said, “I don’t go in for any of that astrology nonsense.”
He replied, “Neither do I. My thermometer just broke.”