No new snow the last few days but it is in the forecast for the weekend. Expect lots of sleds and busy bars, restraints and gas stations. Presidents Weekend is the last hoorah of the season. Traffic will slow down after this, don’t forget to come visit in March for some of the best riding of the year.
China claims that corona-virus came from a stupid old bat, but Nancy Pelosi denied having been involved.
“Payday” candy bar is changing its name because it’s offensive to those who don’t work.
If the current power grid can’t handle a night of 20 degrees temperatures without rolling blackouts,
how are we going to plug 100 million electric cars up at night?
Are there any countries that tax their citizens and send some of it to Americans?
Imagine, if you will, a world where every tweet and meme must be fact checked, with one exception…. a ballot.
How to stop drunk drivers from killing sober drivers? Ban sober drivers from driving. That’s exactly how gun control works.
Can we still order black coffee?
Are brownies being taken off the shelf?
Is White Castle changing its name?
I’m sure Cracker Barrel is screwed.
Can we still play Chinese checkers?
Is that season still called Indian summer?
No more Italian sausages?
How far do you want to go with this foolishness?
I was in Saturday for a little while and riders said trail were very good.
Plenty of snow and plenty of people. Warmer temps today but it is getting colder tonight with more snow and blowing winds. Be careful out there on the Lake tonight it is going to get nasty.
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to
spend time with his son’s family on weekends. Every Saturday morning
he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car
for some quality time — pancakes, ice cream, candy– just him and his
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not
get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to
their drives and would be very disappointed
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take
their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast. When they
returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her
grandfather who was still in bed
“Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?” he asked “Not really
Grandpa, it was boring. We didn’t see a single asshole, queer, piece of shit, horse’s ass, tree hugger, socialist left wing prick, blind bastard, dipshit, or son of a bitch anywhere we went! We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn’t have any fun.”
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?
8 inches yesterday but it was Lake effect.
TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, ” WOULDN’T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?
THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, “INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND.”
“I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM” THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.
THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER. “WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR” THE NUN SAID, “BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO”.
WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER. PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.
HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID:
“THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE.”
Snow is on the way in but so is warmer temps. Expect rougher trails with the warm weather and high traffic.
A doctor, whom an 80-year-old woman who had been consulting most of her life, has finally retired. At her next checkup, the young new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills. “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?” “Yes, they help me sleep at night.” “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!” She reached out and patted the doctor’s knee and said, “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in my 16-year-old granddaughter’s glass of orange juice. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night.” Gotta love grandmas!
Well I learned yesterday that we have 2 groomers down. One of the Groomers were in the bar last night and she said that she could possibly be going out this morning. Hopefully that happened but I can’t say for sure.
HOW DO COURT STENOGRAPHERS KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE?
These are from a book, “Disorder in the Court”, and are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
___________________________ _ __
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________ _ _________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, very close to your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
The most snow we have had in four years. Conditions are good, groomers are doing what they do best.
There’s a guy who plays golf with his buddies every weekend, and his wife keeps bugging him to take her along and teach her to play. He finally relents, and the following Sunday finds them on the first tee.
She’s never played, so he tells her to go down to the ladies tees, watch him drive, and then try to do like he did. She goes down to the forward tee and the guy hooks his drive, and the ball hits his wife, killing her instantly.
The police come to investigate, and the coroner says, “It’s the damnedest thing I ever saw. There’s an imprint on her temple, and you can read Titleist 1.”
“That was my ball,” the guy said.
“What I don’t understand,” the coroner continued, “is the one on her hip that says Titleist 3.”
“Oh,” the guy replied, “that was my mulligan.”
Conditions are pretty damn good. The only complaints I have really heard are above the bridge in the Keeweenaw. Cold temps are back but we could use some snow. A couple inches are in the forecast today and later this week. I mean early next week.
THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN’S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It’s the same as a French kiss, but ‘downunder.’
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don’t have any balls to scratch…
BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Q: What is a man’s Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
Nominated as the world’s best short joke
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. ‘Mom’, he asked, ‘Are these my brains?’
‘Not yet,’ she replied.
Talking to riders yesterday trails were not in the best of shape. I thought the groomers would have been all caught up but warmer temps didn’t help condition s much. Mother Nature is turning the temps down now so conditions should improve quickly.
A group of women from Perth, Australia were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?”
All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband – “I love you, Sweetheart.”
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 11 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
- Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean.
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need!
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.(My personal favorite!)
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?
Groomers have been out getting the trails back in shape for you to come tear them up again this weekend. see ya soon at Da Hoop.
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’
The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’
The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’
The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’
The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’