Trail Conditions:Should be good to Very good.

Weather: Gotta love the temps.

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

I work at the Lodge tonight so I’ll let you know what riders are saying tomorrow. Trails should be in good shape, temps are cooperating and we received a dusting overnight. No bigs snows in the forecast butJohn Dee has a chance of an inch or so everyday. Not a good year for snow so far. Yesterday we even had a mist coming down for a while but with colder temps the base will improve.

I WAS DRINKING AT A BAR SO I TOOK A BUS HOME.  THAT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL TO YOU, BUT I’VE NEVER DRIVEN A BUS BEFORE.

I THOUGHT GETTING OLDER WOULD TAKE LONGER.

A WISE MAN ONCE SAID NOTHING.

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS; THEY GRADUATED SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.

I’VE DECIDED I’M NOT OLD; I’M 25 PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.

WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS “1” FOR ENGLISH?  DID AMERICA MOVE?

COOL STORY, BABE … NOW MAKE ME A SANDWICH.

WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL; WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.

BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.

INSTEAD OF “SINGLE” AS A MARITAL STATUS I PREFER “INDEPENDENTLY OWNED AND OPERATED”.

PATIENCE:  WHAT YOU HAVE WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES.

LET’S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.

VEGETARIAN:  ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN’T HUNT, FISH OR LIGHT FIRES!

I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK….”REALLY?  THAT’S THE SPERM THAT WON?”

IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.

IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.

MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.

SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID.  AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.

WE OWE ILLEGALS NOTHING; WE OWE OUR VETERANS EVERYTHING.

CAMPING:  WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.

IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.

IF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, WHY DO CHURCHES BEG FOR IT?

Trail Conditions:Should be good to Very good.

Weather: Colder all week.

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

Trails should be back in good shape after last weekend. Temps are going to be colder through the weekend so that should help the trails from getting tore up. No big snow in the near future but the first part of next week looks promising. Mother Nature is not cooperating with us so far this year but she is giving us just enough to keep us going.

 

Sunday Funday.

Trail Conditions:Beat up to Good by the end of the day.

Weather: Mild the next few days then into a deep freeze..

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

First off I would like to thank Bryon who was a no show and no call at one of my rentals. I keep my prices down and don’t require a deposit because I have good renters. This is only the second time I have been stuck in 12 years of renting.

Shout to Marc: Marc is a Pussy. Love Dad

Riders said trails on the south end of the Lake were beat up bad yesterday. Up North they were rough too. Hopefully the groomer was out last night. Heavy traffic and warmer temps were part of the problem too. Mild temps for a few days and then into single digits. Trails around Gogebic have been very good according to riders, with the low temps mid week we should be back in excellent condition.

I heard to cops were watching stop signs east of Bergland yesterday. Always stop at those signs, quick way to get pulled over.

Have fun and be safe, come see me for breakfast at the Lodge this morning. I hope the group that kept me open Late at Dutches last night shows up for breakfast, I’ll have 7 Bloody Marys ready.

A crusty old Navy Master Chief found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Chief for conversation:

“Excuse me, Chief, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”

Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”

“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The Chief just stared at her in his serious manner.Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

“1955, ma’am.”

“Well! There you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955. She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955!”

The Chief said, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”

Gotta love military time!)

 

Trail Conditions: Good and Very Good.

Weather: Staying cold and more snow may be on the way.

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

Good morning from the cold and snowy UP. You ready? I think we finally are. It is great to have Mother Nature cooperating again with us. I didn’t work yesterday so I didn’t talk to any riders but I am putting my faith in our grooming clubs thinking right now they are doing all they can. I stopped at the Mobil yesterday and over heard a couple of snowmobilers bitch about a trail being bad and saying how it should be good because they come up here to sped their money so it should have been groomed ect……………Those that know me know I report honestly and don’t sugar coat reports. Sometimes shit happens and a whole lot of work is done by volunteers. I’m sorry they found a bad trail but we do have breakdowns and we just came out of a heavy snow. The groomers had a lot of miles to get in shape. So if that is sugar coating or making excuses so be it. I was thinking about getting into the conversation but figured it would be a waste of time and only piss me off.

Come on up we got it going on.

Get Your Asses up here.

Trail Conditions: Good and Very Good.

Weather: Staying cold and more snow may be on the way.

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

Sorry for the late post but I worked late at the Lodge. Had a good time with a bunch from Minnesota. Riders said trails were great and groomers have been out. The whole area got a good dumping on. And there is even more possibly heading our way. Temps are below freezing for highs except for Sunday and Monday. So our conditions should do nothing but improve.



WHAT AISLE IS THE POLISH SAUSAGE IN?


Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream ‘prejudice’ these days……………
A customer asked, “In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?”
The clerk asks, “Are you Polish?”
The guy, clearly offended, says, “Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
 
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
 
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
 
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
 
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
 
Or if I asked for some Whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”
The clerk says, “No, I probably wouldn’t.”
The guy says, “Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I’m Polish?” 
The clerk replied, “Because you’re in Ace Hardware.”

12 inches plus.

Trail Conditions: Give them a chance to get them all groomed.

Weather: Another day of snow.

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

Well Mother Nature did not screw us this time. I think it is safe to say we got at least a foot. Give the guys a chance to get things groomed up, it will take a while. Big snows equal big moguls, so be patient. I’m sure everyone will be out in full force, we wanted the snow as much as you did.

I was premature at Christmas time saying to get your asses up here, but now, GET YOUR ASSES up here.

 

 

L.E.S. Yes.

Trail Conditions: OK for the most part.

Weather: LES coming in today.

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

Lake Effect Snow on its way to the Western UP.  Temps are dropping below freezing for highs too.  Just what we need so do not re-nig on us Mother Nature.

I told a few people I would re-post this, enjoy……….

With Becker working nights at the bar I was worried about her safety. So I went to Fred’s Esat Branch Outfitters in Kenton Mi. to see what I could find. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Becker what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Leo looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Leo (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to Becker to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a singlet with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best.

I’m sitting there alone, the cat looking on with his head cocked to one side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and…

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE… !!!

I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

  • My bent reading glasses were on the top of the TV.
  • The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
  • My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
  • My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
  • I had no control over the drooling.
  • Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
  • I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I’m still looking for my testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: Becker can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

 

 

Trail Conditions: Still Need cold and snow. But very Rideable.

Weather: Probably an inch or so..

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

I know everyone wants to know how much snow we got. I can’t tell, I’d say an inch or so, it is hard to tell because it is drifted in places, bare in others. My truck in the driveway had no snow on top of it and an inch on the west side of it.

Riders I have been talking to for the most part say trail conditions are not too bad, there are thin areas but for the most part trails are holding their own. If Mother Nature would get her shit together and send us the colder temps and snow that is normal for this time of year we would be golden. John Dee is calling for snow all week so we could go from OK to excellent in a day.

New from Dearborn, Michigan 

  

The latest toy has hit the shops… a talking Muslim doll. 

 Nobody knows what the heck it says, because no one has the balls to pull the cord.

Snow on the way.

Trail Conditions: Need cold and snow.

Weather: Cooler today, possible snow coming..

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

Cooling off for today but into the 30’s tomorrow, then back to the 20’s for highs. 1-3 inches possible for the next 3 days and boy do we need that. We been coming up on the short end of the stick all year so only time will tell if the forecast comes true. From the riders I talked to conditions are better than they should be, trails are ridable but very thin in places.

 

A little chuckle for you this morning… Hope you all have a good day!

An old farmer drove to a neighbor’s and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

The farmer asked, “Is your Dad home?”

The boy replied, “No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.”

The farmer said, “Well, is your Mother here?”

The boy said, “No sir, she went to town with Dad.”

The farmer said, “How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

The boy said, “No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

The boy said, “Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.”

“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”

The boy thought for a moment, “You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”

Trail Conditions: OK?.

Weather: One more day in the warm..

I have a lot of openings, check out my rental page.

We have to get through one more day of this warm shit. Hopefully this is our January warm up and the rest of the month is going to be snowy and cold. Trails must be getting soft, Lake traffic is heavy, lots of sleds running by Mom’s house. Snow is coming in starting tomorrow. I’ll know more after talking with riders tonight at Dutches in Marenisco.

A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” the older doctor demanded. “Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said.

“Does she still have the hiccups?”