SNOW.

Seen a few snow flakes today. Not a lot but it is a start. Mom and most of the locals will not be to happy but business owners and snowmobilers are grinning a bit. It is a bit too soon, I still have a lot to do. But I can say that first time snow covers the ground every year I get a big smile on my face.

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,   Esther,I’d like to ride in that helicopter.’
Esther always replied, ‘I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars’
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, ‘Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t
ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’
To this, Esther replied, ‘Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty
dollars.’
The pilot overheard the couple and said, ‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you! But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars.’
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, ‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’
Morris replied, ‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!’

Where does the time go.

Holy crap Wednesday already. October 3rd. Colors in the UP are in full bloom, cooler weather is here and the smell of 2 stroke is not far off. I have had some truck and electricity issues the last few days. The truck is finished just got to get a ride to pick it up. Xcel energy shut off electric to the Little house. They had the meter numbers switched between Sullys and the rental house. Now I find out the electric bill has not been paid since Nov 20 2017. LOL that is going to be a big bill. LOL Man it is always something.

Lobster boil at Da Lodge this Saturday, then I work on Sunday.

Subject: Suits for $5.99
 

Two guys were walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads,
“Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each.”

Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Joe,Lookee here! We could buy a whole gob o’ these, take ‘em back to Alabama,
sell ’em and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin’, ’cause if they hear your accent, they
might think we’re ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us.”

“Now, I’ll talk in a slow Texas drawl so’s they don’t know we is from Alabama”

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, “I’ll take 50 of them suits at $5.99,
100 of them there shirts at $1.99, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.39. I’ll back up my pickup and….”

“The owner of the shop interrupts, “Y’all from Alabama, ain’t ya?”

“Well…yeah,” says a surprised Bubba. “How come y’all knowed that?”

“Because this is a Dry-Cleaners.”

Sunday Fun Day

Football at Da Lodge Day. Hopefully we see some good games and no crying. No excuses, if you play good you deserve to win. One play does not make a game. Personally I couldn’t give a shit less about football because of the political bullshit. But to tell you the truth I blame the NFL more than the players. But football is good for the bar business, so you watch the games and I’ll keep your beers full.  Play Ball.

At the National Art Gallery, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . “In fact”, he pointed out, “Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society”.

After the curator left, an Newfie approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery”, asked the couple?

“Because I am the artist, who painted the picture”, he replied, “In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They’re just three Newfie coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch”

Snow yesterday in the UP.

September 28th snow was seen in the UP. I heard some people in the bar saying they seen a few snow flakes (not the Democrat kind) driving up from the south and the Keeweenaw got a little dusting. Just a peek at the good times to come. Bring it Mother Nature, we are ready.

Fricken Friday already.

WOW where did the week go. I spent a little time working at Sullys but Last night I got called in to work at Da lodge.  Some of my Iowa buds, Kim, Dale and Gene came in and then Chub and Cindy came down. Great seeing them at Da Lodge, just like old times. I even stayed open til 2:30. Tonight I am working in Marenisco at Dutches Bar.

In a retirement community in Sun City, Arizona last week there was a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: “I miss Chicago.” So someone broke the windows, stole the radio, shot out all four tires, added an Obama Bumper Sticker, and left a note that read: “Hope this helps!” 

Taco Tuesday

If you haven’t been to Gogebic Lodge on Tuesday I highly recommend the Chimichanga. I think it is time to get my Mexican fix.  A few Busch Lights, tequila and a Chimmy from Da Lodge.

Becker and I did not stay bored long yesterday, ran into Brian Summerville and Tommy Love. Great guys, up for bear season.

 

Abe and Estelle are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,

 “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Estelle, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Estelle, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?”

“Oy, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,” she says.

“One last thing, Estelle. Did you remember to send a cheque for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?” he asks”

“Oy, forgive me, Abie,” begged Estelle.

“I didn’t send that one, either.”

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.

Estelle pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you kiss me?”

Abe answers, “They’ll find us.”

Another Day, Another Post

Some of you may wonder why I take too long to post or skip a day or two between posts. Well sometimes I just do not know what the hell to say. People that know me personally probably find that hard to believe because I never shut up. Or at least that is what Becker tells me. But what the hell does she know.  LOL. At any rate things are boring up here right now. Tom Miller is back in Missouri so it is no fun making fun at him. Da Fish ain’t here to I have no one to get me all jacked up. Princess is back in Iowa with all my Iowa friends. The Mantieno  Boys are hard at work saving money for their UP trip this winter.  Mr M, I see Steph more than I see you any more, but that is not all that bad. I’m all alone up here right now. Just me and Lenny Blades burning the midnight oil at Da Lodge solving all the worlds problems. God I love the UP, wish you were all here all the time.

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

 

Lost and Found

OK so I miss placed the power cord for my laptop. Becker told me to look where I used it last. If I remembered where I used it last it wouldn’t be lost would it?

        Getting older is…
1.  My goal for 2018 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15  to go.
2.  Ate salad for dinner …mostly croutons and tomatoes … really just one big, round crouton covered with      tomato sauce …   and cheese… Okay, FINE, it  was a pizza… I ate a pizza!

3.  How to prepare Tofu in two easy steps:
     1.  Throw it in the trash.
     2.  Grill some meat.

4.  I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

5.  I don’t mean to brag but… I finished my 14-days of diet food in 3 hours and  20 minutes.

6.  A recent  study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

7.  Kids today don’t know how easy they have it… when I was young, I had to walk through 9 feet of shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8.   Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9.   Remember back when we were kids, and every time it was below zero outside, they closed school?  Me neither.

10.  I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented……I forgot where I was going with this.

11.  I love being over 50; I learn something new every day… and forget 5 others.

12.  A thief broke into my house last night, and started searching for money.  I got up, and searched with him.

13.  My dentist told me I need a Crown… I said, “You bet,  pour mine over the rocks.”

14.  I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead, and call it a day.

PS:  Sunday, March 13, 2016 was Daylight Savings Time… hope you didn’t forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds!


“Just remember, once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.”

Sunday Funday

Working at the Lodge today. Yesterday was Honey Do list at Mom’s house, good thing I had the grandkid with. Hopefully he is around when I get Becker’s Honey Do List.

 

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience..

Seeing God She asked “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a

face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 33 years?

Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?”

God replied:       I didn’t recognize you!”

Windy and Wet.

We got over 2″ of rain it looks like from last night until this morning. We needed it though. Today is windy and ugly outside.

 

Dougie was working at the fish plant in Newfoundland when he accidentally
cut off all ten of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in St. John’s and when he got there the
doctor looked at Dougie and said “Let’s have da fingers and I’ll see what
I can do”
Dougie said, “I haven’t got da fingers.”
“What do you mean, you haven’t got da fingers?” shrieked the doctor.
“Lord t’undrin Jaysis it’s 2018! We’s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn’t you bring da fingers?”
(Are you ready for this?)

Dougie says… “Jes’’ how da fock was I suppose to pick dem up??”