A Packers fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, “Hey bud, no pets allowed in here.”

The man says, “But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Packers score, my dog does flips!”

Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Packers make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.

“Wow,” said the bartender, amazed, “that’s great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?”

“I don’t know, I’ve only had him for three years.”

Little Sally comes home from school munching on a big bag of candy…

Her mother says, “Where’d you get the money for that!?”

Sally laughs and says, “Little Johnny bet me five dollars I couldn’t climb up the flag pole! I did it, and I won!”

Her mother shakes her head. “You dummy! He was just trying to get a peek at your panties!”

“Oh no!” Little Sally says, embarrassed.

But the next day, she comes home with two bags of candy.

Her mother says, “Did Little Johnny pay you to climb the flag pole again!??”

“Yes!” says Little Sally. “But I sure fooled him! I didn’t even wear any panties!”

2021 Lake Gogebic Area Chamber 43rd Annual Lake Gogebic Fall Walleye Tournament In Memory of John Murphy, Jr. 

Official Results 

 

1. Name, # Chris Cook, #097 

City, ST Menasha, WI 

Time 1:18 

Length 25-3/4“

2. Name, # James Schofield, #019 

City, ST Oshkosh, WI 

Time 9:40 

Length 22-3/4“

3. Name, # Kurt Martin, #020 

City, ST Oshkosh, WI 

Time 3:30 

Length 22“

4. Name, # Richard Zaroan, #026 

City, ST Appleton, WI 

Time 12:28 

Length 21-1/2“

5. Name, # Paul Hewlett, #076 

City, ST Norway, WI 

Time 11:14 

Length 21-1/4“

6. Name, # Nate Bouvette, #399 

City, ST Marenisco, MI 

Time 2:20 

Length 20“

7. Name, # Greg Mallick, #370 

City, ST Land O Lakes, WI 

Time 4:45 

Length 20“

8. Name, # Eric Cook, #096 

City, ST Iron Mountain, MI 

Time 1:18 

Length 19-3/4“

9. Name, # Vicki Cummings, #040 

City, ST Rhinelander, WI 

Time 2:22 

Length 19-3/4“

10. Name, # Russ Hewitt, #078 

City, ST Ewen, MI 

Time 1:00 

Length 19“

 

DAILY LARGEST PERCH FRI: 

Name, # Nathan Mantor, #142 Time 2:42 

Length 13-1/2” 

SAT: 

Name, # Greg Cummings, #041 Time 2:22 

Length 13“ 

DAILY LARGEST BASS 

FRI: 

Name, # Dan Buss, #147 

Time 5:45 

Length 20-1/4” 

SAT: 

Name, # Cliff Cook, #094 

Time 1:19 

Length 19-5/8“ 

DAILY LARGEST N. PIKE FRI: 

Name, # Greg Cummings, #041 Time 3:15 

Length 29-3/8” 

SAT: 

Name, # Dale Buss, #008 

Time 4:15 

Length 35-3/4“ 

EARLY BIRD WINNER 

 Mike Strachan 

TOTAL ENTRIES 

 159

The Man Who Knows Everyone

Dave was bragging to his boss one day. “You know,” he said, “I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”

“No drama, boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”

Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,”

Dave says.”Biden,” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington.” And off they go.

At the White House, Biden spots Dave on the tour and motions to him and his boss saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but let’s get together soon and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. “Pope Francis,” his boss replies.

“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He then disappears into the crowd.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns to the Square, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?'”

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he’d be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. “We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all”

The Irish President replied: “Well, if you guys aren’t giving out beer, then neither am I.”

Shout out to my future ex-father in-law,  now don’t be pissing and moaning about me not posting when you come this weekend.

 

 

The Detroit News – A 15-year-old boy was at the center of a Wayne County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Detroit Lions, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

OK I haven’t posted since April 6th. Well there has not been a lot going on up here and everything in the news is not worth repeating. So what the hell can I write about? Oh…..I have an idea, Juneteenth. Yea lets talk about Juneteenth, when I first heard our “great” president was making it a national holiday all I could think of is what a great way to further racism in our country. Then I heard a black lady talking on tv saying what a great holiday this is because blacks and whites alike can celebrate the end of slavery. I got to thinking, maybe she is right and maybe we should be teaching and celebrating how the end of slavery  came to be. I think it had something to do with some white people who thought it was wrong. In fact I think there was a war where many for and against slavery died. Why do we only hear the bad about slavery and not the part about all the white people that fought to right a wrong belief in our country. I say let’s celebrate Juneteenth and how it came about. If I end up in Facebook jail, please bring me cigarettes.

A woman walked into a pet shop and saw the most beautiful multi-color feathered parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00..

‘Why so little,’ she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, ‘Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.’

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, ‘New house, new madam.’

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought ‘that’s really not so bad.’

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,’New house, new madam, new girls.’

The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation , considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband Tom came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

‘Hi Tom’

A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine.

He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.

A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy said, ‘This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it’s called Turpentine.’

The Priest said, ‘No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman’s belly, she’ll pass a healthy baby.’

The little boy replied, ‘If you rub turpentine on a cat’s ass, he’ll pass a Harley Davidson!’

I wouldn’t look for any improvement on the trails this week. I think the fat lady is singing.
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, “Nothing.”
The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?”
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”
But you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.